...I worked out what the heck was going on with my brain/body dialogue.
I'm the sort of person who wants you to tell her the worst now, to correct her NOW, and not to sweeten the news or dilly-dally 'round it. I'd rather one huge stomach punch of shock than little irritating pinches over a long period of time.
So, knowing that about myself, I figured this book was what I needed to kick my butt and get me back on track with slimming down to a healthy me - a me who can live long enough to be an awesome nana to the grandkids I have and all the ones yet to come - not to mention a me who can enjoy the rest of my babies teen years and my hubby's mid-life. (Hubby is only 43 this year but I've just hit 50)
I was so excited waiting for this book to arrive from the UK. I just KNEW it was the missing link in getting my brain and my body to work together for good, and not be hell bent on sabotaging my midriff and hips in their incessant discourse of gluttony.
Oh how sad it was when I finished the first two chapters and hated myself. Wow - this book really packs a punch! A nasty, rude, deprecating, demoralising flood of words that left me feeling worse about myself than ever before. This was in-your-face on a new level, one I soon realised I didn't want to play on. By the time I'd picked myself off the floor and disposed of the pile of tissues I'd wept into over the course of just 20 pages, I was so depressed I went off and ate a whole chocolate block in secret to comfort mysef. I haven't opened another page since. It could be much nicer further on, but I'm not going there to find out. Feel free if you must...
But the thing is, this book really HAS helped me. Over the following weeks since closing it's pages I have learnt a lot about myself, and the thing that lists highest is that in order to treat my body well I need to LOVE it. Bulges and all! I need to be NICE to it, be nice to me! I shouldn't be harsh or cruel with words against myself - cruelty harms, it crushes, it scars...those feelings would never help me to work at being a healthy weight. If I'm going to do good to this 50 year old body I need to do it with care, with love, and with encouragement.
For the last 10 days I've been taking time to dress more carefully, add some make-up each morning, blow-dry and style my hair - and eat well, knowing that what food goes in is going to show for good or bad depending on my choices. I'm a kilo down already, and my eyes are shining. That may not sound like much to you but it's thrilling to me. I am walking with my shoulders back, not hunched (amazing what that does for a body!!), and today I wore peep-toed black heels to Mass. I bought them 18 months ago and have never worn them - till today. My attitude is to like my body NOW, and to like it better as it changes - to work with it and not against it, to remember that I'm not competing with anyone, and I'm not 24 anymore. ;-)
Now to get moving...that's the next step. I have started once and stopped already this year, but that was before my 'aha' moment.
Thanks for letting me get this out. :-)
Jenny
7 comments:
Jenny, hugs! I've been there, I know...What has helped me? Just doing nice things, for me - finding a workout, a walk that I enjoy, healthy food I enjoy, praying, spending a little ntime and money on myself ( If mama ain't happy no one's happy), realising I would never fit a usual Catholic homeschool mama and wife box and learning to embrace that without relyng on food.
Mantras help, self care helps, consistency helps. I also found AJ Rochester's book to be really helpful ( The Lazy Girl's Guide to Dieting) and also another Aussie book - Why Can't I Lose Weight?
Thanks Leonie...accepting the hug too!
I'll look for those books, they sound good. I know I need to hear things that LIFT me, not drown me in the mire of worthlessness. KWIM?
I just reserved the Rochester book from the library - yay, they had it. Miracle!!
Hi Jenny-
Wow that books sounds like a killer, but I know what you mean... I get tired of dilly dallying around, but boy it sounds rough.
Like Leonie said.. dealing with life and not relying on food to handle the rough spots.. I can relate to that, too.
I often just wish I could eat normally and not think about it. I still have that dream, though for some reason it doesn't work for me. lol So much energy into thinking about food.... I wonder why that is?
Oh well-- I think it does make me feel better when I am stressed. Like last night had to take dh to emergency room (he is fine) but got home late, late so, I rewarded myself with some of the potato chips I bought 'for my sons'. Why do I do that?
great mystery of life.....
lol
Cindy
Cindy, I had a similar discussion with my daughter tonight about WHY I think about food so often, and you know what I came up with? I am the only cook in this family. It is my responsibility to plan and prepare 3 meals AND snacks every day so I can't avoid thinking about food. To make it worse my family are all stick insects who can eat all day and night and not gain an ounce, so I really am cooking all the time.
Maybe you've got that same problem?? Are you always left to plan and cook?
Cindy, hugs re your dh! Everything ok??
Jenn, I won those books if you'd like to borrow them..
Leonie, I emailed you about the books. :-)
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