A balance of Mind-Body-Spirit

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What do you do when your dh wants you to lose weight?

Now, I'm no bomb shell, I don't exude sex appeal, but I am nearly 40 kg , about 80 lbs, less than I used to be.

The other night, my dh wanted me to do a quiz on why I can't lose weight. He wants me thinner. He is thinner, weighs himself every morning and night, works out hard...

Hell, I'd like to be thinner but I also know I used to have eating disorders. How do I get thinner without being obsessed?

Do I work hard after Easter to lose more weight, Ive been maintaining this last year - can I work hard to lose, say, another 9 kg ( about 18 lbs) ? I lose slowly, about a kg a month - so, in nine months could I be slimmer, look better?

It's up to me. What the heck, maybe I should just go for it.

At least dh would be happier! lol!


Purpleflowerpatch said...

Have you asked him why he wants you thinner? Is it a health reason?? Are you now in the healthy weight range?

Ultimately it's your decision, but...(oooooh, can you hear the words of trepidation I am about to utter causing my tummy to turn???)...I *think* that we do not have the same success when we lose to please others as we do when we lose to please self.

Go on, throw a book at me... ;-)

I think you look AMAZING.

Cindy said...

Ok Leonie.. I had NOT seen your post before I posted that quiz! Quizes are just that, quizzes. I think usually we know the answers before doing them.

Ok.. here are my thoughts!
I think it is dangerous to stray into the territory of suggesting what others (even loved ones) should be doing in terms of weight, etc.

I KNOW that if I tell my dh to lose weight that would be very de-motivating for him, and I think he would resist it. I think I would, too.

I wonder if he mentioned the quix to you because you have told him you are frustrated that you can't lose more weight?

Leonie I am being very honest: you look absoulely beautiful as you are right now. You also have acheived a lot. Those 80 lbs are an incredible triumph.

My heartfelt suggestion is you think about who you are, what you body is (only one aspect of you) and who you are in God's sight. How much time does He want you thinking and fucusing on your body? If you dh wants you to focus on it more that God, then I would go with what God wants, and gently let dh know this.

I am not saying this is easy. It is also counter-cultural. I KNOW society and the culture has skewed me and honestly I think that is what I am fighting.

You also are in the midst of culture and you have other issues which caused the eating disorders. But knowing you have the disorders is over half the battle. You know yourself.

Now, what is it that God wants from you?

I don't want to sould like I am all holy or something, because this is a struggle I am working on, too. I am doing a concecration to Mary (St Louis de Monfort) for 40 days and am on day 6. Some of the things they have you ponder are about this.. not eating chips and cookies, but who we are in God's signt.

And, also I find that my mind is spent too much on me and eating. EATING! If this is going to be an ongoing battle that is fine, God, I will accept that.

But, when it comes to how our bodies are supposed to 'look' and who we are listening to about their measure, that is when I want to listen to God. Yes we need to listen to our dhs. But often they have been caught up in the culture. Are what they are telling us (or any of our loved ones, friends, aquantenses, the TV or strangers in the market) are what they are telling us bringing us closer to God... or further?

Deep, eh? lol lol lol!

Hugs, Leonie. You are beautiful. Find your beautiful center and know in your heart you are pleasing.. the rest will fall in line. That is waht I am trying to do, too, pray for me..

p.s. I want to lose another 20, really... ha ha...I am so shallow!

Leonie said...

Thanks guys - still thinking and praying...

Rachel May said...

I think this is an interesting question, Leonie. Most of my weight-loss and exercise motivation has come through Bill. He rarely comments on my figure, but he's so fit and takes such good care of himself it's an example to me. And also, occasionally, he will make a gentle comment or suggestion.

I think if I were in your place, I would think to myself if I am content with my weight, and if not, why not? Then I would ask myself what is the next step to take. Sometimes just seeing myself through his eyes is enough for me to see that I am resting on my laurels and make a decision to do more for myself. Sometimes I am able to see that I am in the best spot possible for right now. There is no forever answer to weight and shape for me. HTH!

Leonie said...

I think you are right Rachel - there is no forever answer. Am
thinking after Easter of going for a 10 kg weight loss, which would probably take me about a year, am a very slow loser. Worth a try. But no pressure - don't want to go the eating disorder route again!

Nice to see you posting again, Rachel!

A balance of Mind-Body-Spirit

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